I recall.

The fucked up 21% rise of electrical bill is causing me to do weird things. I've been sleeping with the fan instead of the air condition lately which means that I've been sleeping on the floor with a mattress instead of my bed because the cord is just too bloody short.

And probably is the odd sleeping position or the hardness of the mattress that is keeping me awake but suddenly I just thought about something which happened probably 2 odd years ago.

I sunk my head in my pillow and suddenly I kinda thought of how I destroyed my room that night. Screaming my lungs out without any sensible thing coming out of my mouth. How I got pinned down by 3 policemen and got handcuffs locked on my wrist and spent my night at the detention prison. I had no clue whether it is day or night. There is this "double metal gauze" technique they used to blind you when you try to look to the side. Lights were switched on and you don't even know whether it is day or night. When you hear keys jingling, you will just pray that the warden calls you out to take your statement because that is the only time you can get your crappy self out of the cell.

I recalled fighting with Xin, Roy and Kel because they couldn't stand the way I treated my family. How I ostracized my family and take away every photographs with myself in it. I fist slugged with all 3 of them and went for my competition meeting the next day with bruises, swells and scars on my face. I guess they went to work with those as well. I met her with those bruises, swells and scars to get her project done. I remembered Macromedia Flash 8 was the only surviving kit I had to keep the communication surviving.

I remembered waiting by the phone like a dog and checked for messages probably every 30 seconds. I went everywhere with my phone. I remembered crying when I saw her pictures. Her pictures, with me, with someone else. I remembered her crying and telling me that how she wished she knew more about me because she felt I was so distant. She told me I will be okay.

I sat through Japanese classes because she told me that we shall go to Japan for our honeymoon. I wrote and passed her a "Japanese handbook" at the airport at about 6 am just to force myself into her last memory before she took off for Japan. Yeap, this flashed through my mind too.

And yeap, I thought of all these and still am thinking of them. And despite all the fucked up shit I've written above, I'm gonna end off with ," and I am glad I will get to see her 6 hrs 35 minutes later."

I am glad. I wasn't. But I will be.